Where is God When Someone We Love is Suffering?

In the depths of our darkest moments, when those we love are engulfed by suffering, we often find ourselves grappling with a profound question: Where is God? This question echoes through the corridors of human experience, from ancient times to our present day. It's a question that demands our attention, not just for theological discourse, but for the very real and raw moments when pain seems to overshadow everything else.

In Job 2-9-13, we find Job on the far side of unimaginable tragedy and loss. His wealth has been stolen, his servants have been murdered, his children have died in a freak natural disaster, and his health has been taken away. Job is suffering like few have, and while he, in this moment of grief, loss, and struggle, clings tightly to his faith in God, his wife, who is no doubt overwhelmed by the magnitude of their suffering, utters words that have echoed through the ages: "Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!"

It's easy to judge Job's wife harshly, but I’ve developed a bit more sympathy for her over the years. Her words, while foolish and unwise, stem from a place of deep anguish. She, too, had lost everything. Sometimes, watching someone we love suffer can be even more unbearable than enduring the pain ourselves. In these moments, our words—though intended to be words of comfort or solidarity—can become unintentional curses.

How often have we found ourselves in similar situations, meaning well but speaking foolishness? For me, it’s been more often than I’d like to admit. I talk when I should listen. I give unsolicited advice when I should offer silent support. I try to move people past their pain because I’m uncomfortable sitting in the discomfort with them.
 
When we do these things, I’m convinced that most of us aren’t trying to be unhelpful—just the opposite. However, as humans, we tend to underestimate others' pain while overestimating our own ability to endure or navigate what they're going through. We may have good advice. We may see the situation more clearly than the person struggling under the crushing weight of circumstances, but some things take time and space.

So, what should we do when someone we care for is suffering? How can we manifest the kingdom of God and make things better, not worse? While there's no universal checklist, here are some ideas that I’ve found to be generally helpful:

1. Prepare ourselves through prayer and meditation before entering the sufferer's space.
2. Confess to God that we don't know what to say or do.
3. Lay down our personal agendas.
4. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
5. Ask questions rather than give lectures.
6. Hold space and sit in the pain and discomfort.
7. See the person as a human being, not a project.
8. Sometimes, the best thing to say is nothing at all.

Job's friends, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, initially got it right. When they saw Job, they wept aloud, tore their robes, and sat with him in silence for seven days and nights. They recognized the depth of his suffering and honored it with their presence and their silence.
As we navigate these difficult waters, it's crucial to remember that there are no one-size-fits-all answers. What might be right in one situation could be unhelpful in another. We must be present, acknowledging what's happening in their lives without assuming we fully understand their experience.

It's also important to recognize that sometimes the best and ideal solutions may not be possible. Wisdom is required to discern what is better in a situation, even when the best outcome seems out of reach. We must resist the temptation to offer quick fixes or platitudes, understanding that even the right words at the wrong time can cause more harm than good.

In all of this, we hold onto a profound truth: God is never far away. He is not absent, even when he seems silent. He sees us and loves us, even in our lowest points of pain. Jesus, who experienced the depths of human suffering, can still be trusted. He has entered into our space to give us hope.

As we walk alongside those who are suffering, our primary role is to be there—to show up, to love them in the way they feel loved, and to continue pointing them to Jesus. Not by fixing their theology or trying to make the pain disappear, but by reminding them of the hope we have in Christ.

This hope tells us that even in the face of death and loss, the story isn't over. Jesus has secured the fact that death doesn't get the final say. Our hope in Christ assures us that our losses, no matter how devastating, are not permanent.

In those moments when we feel helpless in the face of a loved one's suffering, when we're tempted to ask, "Where is God?", we can take comfort in knowing that he is right there—in the tears, in the silence, in the presence of those who come to sit with us in our pain. He is the God who enters into our suffering, who knows it intimately, and who promises to carry us through.

(Click here to watch this week's sermon: Responses to Suffering)